Are You Listening?

Listening is one of the most critical skills of effective communication. Out of all the communication skills we are involved in such as reading, writing or talking, we spend 45% of our time listening. But are we good listeners? A question we should ask ourselves often to become skilled listeners.

Is listening the same as hearing? We all know its not. I am quite certain that most of you have had experiences where you were heard accurately but not listened to with understanding. And you know how frustrating that can be.

Listening is a skill- something we need to work on. It is a process that requires honing, a process quite challenging at that.

Following are some strategies for effective listening:

- Maintain eye good eye contact - eye contact demonstrates interest and attention.
- Be in the 'present'- instead of rushing ahead to formulate your response, hold yourself back and focus on what is being said to you. Rushing ahead may cause you to evaluate the message based on incomplete information thereby making your judgement erroneous.
- Take notes
- Check for both verbals as well as non-verbals. Body language plays an important part in effective listening. After all, more than 93% of our message is being conveyed through our body signals. So instead of just focusing on the words being said, pay close attention to the speaker's voice intonation, gestures, postures, facial expressions. They will convey a lot about the completeness and credibility of the message.
- Paraphrase. Summarizing the essence of the message conveyed can ensure that both you as well as the speaker are on the same page.
- Seek clarification by asking appropriate, relevant questions.
- Avoid distraction non-verbals like fidgeting, slumping, moving your weight from one to another, crossing and uncrossing your leg
- Avoid distracting verbals like finishing off the speaker's sentence, changing the topic, asking irrelevant, unnecessary questions, interjecting with too many uh-ah's and yes's.
- Provide attentive silence. An effective listener understands and appreciates the value of silence in a conversation. Most listeners talk too much. They speak as much as or even more than the speaker. Learning the art of silent responsiveness is essential for good listening. After all the other person cannot describe a problem or a situation if you are doing all the talking.As a listener, when you provide that silence, it gives the speaker time to think about what he or she is going to say. Silence also allows the other person to proceed at his own pace.

The above will help you to understand and capture the message that is being conveyed to you. Remember, when you actively and deeply listen, you communicate respect which is an important ingredient of interpersonal interactions.